"And that would be Life," says the Chaos Goddess
Choose: Shrink into polarity, or expand to embrace the multitudes.
“…but after some time her eyes adjusted to the dark—and when they did she never went back to not seeing again.”
— CLAIRAUDIENCE, APRIL 14, 2026
When you realize that life is cyclical and you start tracking the spiraling flow of your realities—both inner and outer—you’ll begin to notice the patterns. You’ll see the things behind the things, and the fields beneath the fields, and you’ll discover that beneath all the chaos, you actually have access to a kind of coherence and clarity you never had before.
I’ve been tracking my dreams every day for more than five years now. Every May brings the cats, and the cats always bring the Goddesses, and all of the wildness and ferality feels like a power surge—new waves of consciousness flooding my life. Some lessons keep repeating, some are new, and some seem to play like music from another room—distant yet familiar—destined to be the soundtrack of my life.
LISTEN TO THIS: THINGS BEHIND THINGS BEHIND THINGS BY BON IVER
AND THAT WOULD BE LIFE
In the dream, there is a cat I need to protect, and I watch as it crosses busy streets, and the house is always crowded and noisy, and phones go unanswered, and I am placed on hold, and I crawl through windows, and I go from being the child to the mother and back to the child again, and all the while I understand that this is life—complicated and long—and there will be people who misunderstand me, and times when I am not loved, or I feel unloved, or there is a famine in love, and all of it I accept because the Goddess comes to me and says, “And that would be life.”
So I look after the small cat as if it were the small animal inside of me. Sometimes it pays me no mind, sometimes it needs me the most in this world, and other times it burrows so deeply into me that my heart fuses with fur and speaks only in growls and purrs.
"And that would be life" is not a shrug or a sigh of resignation. It is the Goddess calling the shots. Life will be complicated and long. It will herd you like a cat across busy streets. And the only way to stay sane in it is to stop trying to control the wildness—and learn how to dance with it.
WHAT THE CHAOS GODDESS TEACHES
The Goddess arrives unannounced in my backyard with all of the animals and toddlers. I think it’s a situation I need to control, but it isn’t. I run around chasing the craziness away and she laughs in my face. She remains calm and cool and loving, and because of that, every creature is well behaved.
The Chaos Goddess teaches that this energy is accessible to all of us. She holds space for beautiful chaos, and in her embrace of opposites—the darkness and the light, the order and the disorder—she tames the Universe.
Dissonance will keep erupting. We will keep meeting our opposites. And that would be life, she says.
So when chaos comes for us, we get to choose—collapse and shrink into polarity, or expand and embrace all the multitudes.
HOW THE SELF REWRITES ITSELF
A single, highly coherent moment of attention can reorganize a much larger field of experience.
I notice a tattoo on my arm. A butterfly, metamorphosing—only it is not actually a butterfly. It is a chimera made of many creatures and many moving parts. This tattoo is a living imprint of the self—and the self becoming.
We are each a chimera in motion, made of many creatures and many timelines.
Beneath what we can see, a synchronized transformation is unfolding across all our subtle bodies. The end result is a mystery, even to the process itself.
The only thing required of us is the noticing—because what we select with our attention is what we get to consciously become.
CROUCHING TIGER KISSING BUTTERFLY
Sometimes a dream symbol is a living image, and that living image is a movement, and that movement is a process, and the process is unfolding in a timeless instant, and that instant is NOW, and it is your wholeness compressed into one visual so you can see and sense yourself clearly as an expression of Source.
I dream I am training a tiger to kiss a butterfly. The tiger crouches down, and presses its mouth tightly against the most fragile wings, and the tiger is always my heart and those wings are my spirit, and this is how I surrender now to life—like a crouching tiger kissing butterfly—the wild heart bows, devoted to the ever-changing soul.
MAPPING THE MANY WORLDS
I dream I am navigating the flow of life like a river, with events as rapids and obstacles as boulders. As I stop to rest on the shores of the riverbank, I meet a woman who asks if I am mapping the river as I navigate it. She speaks to me about cartography as if I already know about it, and this confuses me, because I feel like I am a cartographer—I’m just not confident enough to say so—and instead I say, “No, I think I’m just enjoying the ride.” She gives me a look that feels like both judgment and disappointment, and I wake up and feel it all in my body.
This year, I’ve been dreaming of Sacagawea and Pocahontas—two embodied Goddesses who touched down on Earth to hold space between worlds and translate the dissonance. It makes me wonder what it means to be my own translator and cartographer of the Many Worlds I travel.
And I can accept in my being that, actually, yes—I have been mapping and tracking the flow of Life. Only that flow is not just linear. It is vertical and radial and spiraling, pulling in timelines, aspects, and dimensions all at once. Beneath all the invisible currents of energy and events, there is an underlying coherence—and it is both trackable and mappable.
No, I won’t be able to map all of it. But if even one or two people who want to navigate liminality or surf the threads of other realities find their way through what I leave behind, then I will have done a good enough job.
And in the meantime—I’m going to enjoy the ride.
LISTEN TO THIS: PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS BY LISSIE
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