🪄 🐟 The Changing Fish, ⚖️ ⛓️ Freeing Feminine Consciousness from Inner Judges, and 🌈 🪁 Life as Child’s Play
🪄 🐟 The Changing Fish, ⚖️ ⛓️ Freeing Feminine Consciousness from Inner Judges, and 🌈 🪁 Life as Child’s Play
"The Goddess's favorite form of expression is that of a child"
THE MYSTERY
🪄 🐟 The Changing Fish
Dream, August 19, 2024
I am given an empty cup with a fish inside of it. My instructions are simply to keep the fish alive. I watch as it struggles to breathe, and I beg for water. Once the cup is filled, the fish jumps out. I keep putting it back into the water, but he’s learned to breathe air and no longer wants to live in his original environment. It jumps out into the palm of my hand.
I hold the fish and witness a metamorphosing, as the fish begins to grow new feather tails in wild colors—like a magician pulling an endless handkerchief out of his sleeve.
I wonder how is it possible to have limitless material within you?
In waking life, I do a voice dialogue session and play the part of the fish while the therapist asked me questions.
The Changing Fish is adamant that he is not my pet, assignment, or experiment. He tells me to quit trying to put him back into the water, and to not ask him what he is or what he is becoming—he says, I don’t know what I am yet either.
As I became more accepting and allowing of this enigmatic fish living within me, he senses it and says that he is feeling the change from Prisoner to Potential.
The changing fish is a symbol of mystery and metamorphosis. I don’t need to figure out what I’m going to become or why I’m going to become it, I only need courage to foster the potentials that are dormant within me.
I keep the fish alive by not trying to contain it.
PARTS WORK
⚖️ ⛓️ Freeing Feminine Consciousness from Inner Judges
Dream, September 12, 2024
I am enslaved within my own body. An inner judge scolds my feminine consciousness, telling me that I am not subservient enough and that my self-contradictions are causing a lot of trouble.
I demand to be free.
In the dream, I am naked and put on my husband’s law school sweater to defend myself. I plead my case to another male judge within me, thinking he might be a friend who will understand. However, he doesn’t. He says I am under a soul contract that cannot be broken and insists that my existence must have a utilitarian function.
I wake up defiant and enraged. A close friend suggests that these parts need to be integrated rather than exiled, but this only makes me angrier.
Eleven days later, I undergo another voice dialogue session, this time giving voice to the masculine inner judge. I listen as he speaks in a logical, rational tone, explaining that I don’t know what I’m signing up for by demanding freedom. He says that I am incongruent in what I am asking for in my inner life and what I am expressing in my outer life. He reminds me that I am a wife with a husband who is a protector and provider.
Just then, an unknown voice interrupts and asks the inner judge, "Why can’t she have it all?" I feel something dislodge within me. A rigidness loosens, and something concrete begins to crumble. I feel the inner judge accept the question as a possibility, and we both begin to soften toward each other.
It is true that I don’t fully grasp the kind of authority I am asking to wield as a woman. Most of the examples of power I’ve witnessed have been under the reign of men. To be free from the patriarchal judges within would mean a shift of control that I must be ready to take on. And I feel ready.
The Goddesses have been training me for a few years now. Each aspect of the Goddess manifests as an archetype, and I give her various facets expression. The Goddesses are the ones who teach a new way of authority.
The Goddesses teach a power that does not require exertion or force, but rather a state of “being” and the allowance of opposites. They teach transcendence of duality by not seeing only black or white, but by witnessing the dance between them, which creates beautiful shades of grey.
INNER ALCHEMY
🔥 🌊 The Girl Who Sets Fire to the Ocean
Fire is not something that comes naturally to me. My astrological chart is mostly composed of air and water elements, and most of my animal guides are either birds that take flight or aquatic creatures. However, I aspire to be well-balanced with all the elements.
I want to be alive on earth, to soar high into the airy realms, to dive deep into my watery depths, and to be perpetually transfigured by fire.
Someone told me that I will discover my inner fire when my boundaries are crossed. Fire can be a destructive force, scorching everything you knew. But I promise, a fire within is not an act of retribution—it is a purification.
After the fire, when nothing is left, is when new growth can take place.
GODDESS REALMS
🌈 🪁 Life as Child’s Play
The Goddess teaches me how to embody purity and play as I continue to age. Seeing the world through the lens of a child is not naiveté—it is a grace and a sophistication that you bestow upon yourself.
PSYCHIC TRAINING
🌍 💭 The Worlds between Thoughts
Realities are fluid and constantly intermingling. An action in one world sets off a chain of events, and its effects ripple out to other worlds. If our inner landscape is chaotic, external reality will reflect this chaos.
To navigate these interconnected realities effectively, understand the worlds that your thoughts and emotions create. Sense what lives in the gaps between what you say and what you do.
Align yourself with the most expansive reality.
DREAMTIME
🗺️ ✨ Mapping out the Dimensions above Dreamtime
The higher realms have defining borders, and I continue to map out the universe as I discover more of it through dreams, medicine journeys, and altered states. This was an awakening event for me—to be summoned out of Dreamtime. I now see clearly the perimeter where Dreamtime ends and higher dimensional realms begin.
Most of my dreams take place in the fourth and fifth dimensions. These dreams usually involve my emotional and mental body, interpersonal entanglements, and future-visioning that occur in simulations of Earth. They often feel like emotional dry-runs or dress rehearsals for events in waking life.
Our psyches populate these dream dimensions. In a sense, it is true that every character in these dreams is an aspect of you, but what is also true in reality is that we are made up of consciousness pretending to be in separate forms and we show up for each other in dreams. I am another you, and you are another me. That’s why it feels so good when we meet each other on a soul-to-soul level. We recognize each other’s true form and rejoice at the reunion.
Consider how you show up in person with someone else. Is it a meeting of the minds? Are we two emotional bodies swapping sob stories? Is it just body to body, disconnected from everything else? Or are we acting as our truest selves and having a soul-to-soul exchange?
When I journey out toward angelic realms or inter-realms that exist outside of time and space, that feels above the fifth dimension. In these dreams, I am a container for memories beyond my life on Earth.
Planetary, alien, and galactic consciousness feels higher than 7D. I once had an out-of-body experience where I was one eye of what felt like millions on the body of a Manta Ray. I knew this Mother Ray was an ambassador for planetary consciousness. I knew we were at a higher council meeting to discuss the state of Hawaii after Maui’s fire. I felt both like a child of Earth and an emissary. I came back to my body and knew that was the highest I had ever flown before, and even though I don’t know yet where to place it on the map, I sense there are experiences waiting for me that are even higher.
Mind boggling.